Maybe
by savielizabeth
Summary: Dedicated to Catherine :( DUE TO RECENT REALIZATION OF BREAKING OF CONDUCT CODE FOR THIS SITE I WILL SOON TAKE THIS STORY DOWN BUT UNTIL THEN I WILL CONTINUE POSTING NEW CHAPTERS. :(
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

I sat on the subway as it jostled on the tracks, I closed my eyes and thought back… I stood up and waited for the few other passengers to get off, then walked outside into the station. My jacket was not enough to protect me from the brisk wind on this December evening, as I shivered up the stairs into the dimmed city lights of midtown New York City. As I walked along the crowded sidewalk to my apartment building, my thoughts drifted off again to my childhood. The fiery heat behind my eyes burned inside me, for I refused to cry. I snapped back to reality, realising I didn't have time for that and that I must go on with my life. Those things are so hard to forget, but that was only the beginning.

I stood before my door tired from my usual day of school and work, _only a bit past 9 _I thought, that was quite early for me but, it had been very uneventful this week so I shouldn't be surprised. Just as I was about to enter all I saw was black…


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

I slowly opened my eyes to a small room with mid-afternoon light shining through a small window. My head throbbed and I was so confused that I could barely gather what I was seeing. The gray room, the antique dresser, the light scent of lavender it was exactly the way I had left it. My heart pounded, _Why am I here?Why? Why? Why? _Each why coincided with my pulse as I lay on the bed in the room I tried so hard to get away from. It took me a while to finally calm down and let my reasonable side tell me I must have just slipped off into a dream of some sort. Only until then had I realised there was a boy standing in the doorway, he stared and said nothing. I pushed my hair from my face and suddenly felt wet tears on my face, _had I been crying?_ The boy moved closer into the light, he looked around nineteen, had golden brown hair and deep blue eyes that looked so familiar. I instictively put up my arms to shelter my face, I was not afraid but I still did not know him so my trust only went so far. "Darcy" he said pushing my hands down, I immediately knew who he was, "it's okay, it's alright." His thick irish accent hadn't changed since I left. And it was so nice to see a familiar face even though it brought me pain.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

"Theo?" He smiled and said "so you do remember me?" I smiled a bit, "how could I not?" But, the smile quickly diminished when the questions of why I was here came back. He, seeming to read my mind said queitly, "I know you're confused and this is not the happiest place for you to be right now, I'm sorry but we thought it would be best if we told you here." So many questions again ran through my head, making it throb once more. _What does he need to tell me?_ But before I could ask, I knew.

My mother had died nearly 13 years ago from drug overdose, as a self harm victim with a young daughter she tried to shelter me as much as she could without attaching herself to me. My father was my bestfriend and at the age of only 4 he was basically my only friend, I remember I would look into my father's green eyes, so similar to mine, and ask "Daddy, why does Mommy have cuts on her arms? She says the cat did it but we don't have a cat." Or something like that. I remember the day she died, I stood beside the hospital bed holding my father's hand saying "Daddy, why does Mommy have a sheet over her head? The doctor said something about OD, wat does that mean? Daddy, is Mommy okay?" he said with tears and put it as lightly as possible, "Darcy, cupcake, Mommy has gone to live with the stars, because she can shine brighter up there then she ever could down there." Theo and a girl named Lux, were the only friends I had but, once my mother died I shut the world out and that was the end though they still thought of me. Now with my father gone as well I was ready to go back into shut down, runaway again, leave without a trace as fast as I could, but something had changed then, I'm not sure what but it had…


	4. Chapter 4

I closed my eyes, so as to not cry in front of Theo. Warmth wrapped around me as his arms held me, I shifted quickly and opened my eyes "what?" he asked looking straight at me, "You said _we_." He chuckled quietly, a happy but solemn noise, "Me and Lux is who I meant, sorry I should've been more specific." "Oh, where is she?" "Getting your stuff, we thought it would be best if you stayed here with some friends…if that's okay with you." I sat there for a while in his grasp thinking over my choices, A) I could reject Theo's offer and go back to New York and have another piece of me left behind and unfinished, leaving me with another thing I could try to bury in my past unsuccessfully or B) Stay… but what would happen then? I never liked pity, and it was already hard on my own, but maybe that was my problem. It could be nice to have people who understood me and accepted me, plus they had already gone to the trouble of bringing me all the way out to London, and bringing my stuff, so it would be a bit rude though I'm sure they would understand.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

"I guess if-" Lux stumbled up the stairs, making me look up at her and her long blonde hair. She put my stuff down and ran to me smiling so brightly it made me grin in return. She hugged me and whispered in a smooth English accent "You look so much like Harry." She glanced at Theo who nodded from behind me and I replied before she could ask "It's fine, it happens. It already has before, but just one thing… how?" I had dreaded asking the question but I needed to know, but I braced myself for the worse as Theo mumbled under his breath "Suicide." I nodded stiffly but changed the subject slightly "Why were you the ones who told me, and why didn't you just tell me back home?" Lux smiled at me and she said it in a way that reminded of how they talked when they were told not to tell me something when we were kids "This is your home, and- Theo interupted her and said "and, we are the only ones who can." I knew what he meant, everyone who could was gone but how? I slumped onto the bed and rolled over but, I still saw Theo drag Lux out of the room and quietly shut the door.

I hesitantly got up when I heard their whispering in the hall. "Stop trying to sugar-coat it she needs to know the truth." Theo breathed sternly and athoritatively though he was two years younger than Lux. "Hasn't she gone through enough? Plus we got her this far I don't want her running off again, I don't want her to get hurt anymore than she already has." "So? I would rather her run off back to New York and know what is going on than stay here and live a lie, end of conversation Lux." I sighed and went to bed even though it was only around 7 I was tired of thinking, I dug through my coat pocket hanging on the door and put in my earbuds…


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6 

I awoke, though what was the use? I looked around at my stuff, _If I'm going to be here I might as well start unpacking now,_ I thought. A light clanking noise and the open of the back door startled me, for it was very early in the morning. I looked out my window to see Theo drinking a steaming cup of coffee, as the orange rays of the rising sun glimmered off his hair… _NO Darcy, stop it now is not the time for fantasising,_ I thought sternly to myself. I went to the bathroom and washed up, pushing up my sleeves so as not to get them wet. I looked at my wrists with deep but long healed scars, I remember the pained look on Dad's face as tears streamed down it when he finally saw what I had done. I hadn't done it since… but now there was no one to stop me.

I left the bathroom and slumped onto the bed. I rumaged through some of my stuff until I found the blade. Shifting in my hands the handle, deciding what to do with it. It hit my skin, but the cold rush of the metal brang him back. I jerked it back from my arm and threw it out the window. "He may be gone, but he's still here." My thoughts exactly, but that was not my voice. Lux stood at the door, a concerned look upon her face as Theo walked toward me. He grasped my shoulders and jostled me out of my daze. "Now let's fix this room up." He smiled, I nodded, Lux joined and things were good, but it still didn't feel right.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

"Only two-thirty?" Theo sighed happily, gazing at the room we just finished painting. Lux laughed and jumped on the bed with a _thump_. I looked at the room, it still haunted me but I liked how this was going. _Maybe things will change_ I thought. "Let's eat!" Theo exclaimed, jumping up and grabbing mine and Lux' hands, "I know the perfect place!" We arrived at a busy restaurant that filled me with the warmth of people laughing and talking. _Kind of like New York_, I thought. _No, it's much happier here._ People ushered us in, and some girls gestured for us to sit with them. We slipped into the booth and Theo and Lux started talking lightly with them. One of the girls looked at me and pity filled her eyes, _oh no, here it comes, _I thought, _the 'oh I'm so sorry about your father, are you okay?' What good does that do? Yeah I'm sorry too, but I can't help that can I? No, I'm not okay, would you be? _But oddly, she just stood up and said "Come." I followed her hesitantly outside to the garden, where she showed me a bush of pure white roses just like the ones my father loved. She picked one and put in my hair and said, "He put these here the day before. He didn't say anything but 'for her'." I knew what she meant by "day before". The day before his death. _He did think of me before doing that to himself, but why then did he follow through?_


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

I collapsed to the ground, and she walked away leaving me to myself. _Maybe if I had said I loved him…Maybe if I had spent more time…Maybe, Maybe, Maybe. _All these thoughts came rushing in now, as I saw now everything I had missed being in my own little world inconsiderate to anyone elses feelings but mine. How could I have let the only thing I had left slip away so easily? I wiped the tears away because crying made me feel weak, but that was how I felt anyway; weak, helpless. But there was also blood on my hand and a sudden stinging sensation filled my cheeks. The thorns of the rose had cut deep, in more ways than one. Once we got home Theo went outside and Lux went upstairs. I hadn't told them what happened but they still acted towards me as if I were cracked glass, and one foul move could make me cave in and everything fall out in shattered pieces. I locked my door and held the flower before crushing it to pieces with the sole of my boots. I leaned against the wall and out of the corner saw a picture of me and my mom and dad when I was a baby. _How long has that been there? Was it there when I got here?_ Then I remember my dad showing me this picture saying "You are my everything." Mom was wearing a flower crown my dad said he made outside of the hospital room while he was waiting for my mom and I. White roses… white roses everywhere now. I threw the picture down in anger at myself and my parents. I heard the crack of glass against wood and unlocked the door and walked out.


End file.
